Many of us are in the pursuit of something.
When I was younger I wanted to be the smartest person in the room. That didn’t mean I needed to get the best grades, no just meant that when I was in a conversation, I was going to win. I didn’t want to ever be caught without knowing something. I couldn’t stand not having the answer.
So when I was approached by people who loved Jesus in college I was instantly on guard. I wasn’t about to be made a fool of. I couldn’t trust in something that I couldn’t have all the answers to. Because if I couldn’t figure out all the answers that means at some point I would be discovered to be wrong and I just can’t have that…
Seems pretty silly doesn’t it? But that mindset drove me in positive ways for a number of years. I would look into gaining more information on my own. I took on extra projects just because I wanted the extra information. I read all the time as a kid. I would clean out the library at my elementary school of all the biographies they would let me carry. I wanted to know more and more.
What I didn’t know was:
“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.” Proverbs 1:7
I hadn’t even begun to learn, I couldn’t have, because I had no fear of the Lord. I didn’t even know what that meant or what it was referring to. Not only that, but I didn’t take kindly to instruction. I don’t need instruction, I can figure it out on my own. Don’t think I’m stupid.
I missed it. I was pursuing information, not knowledge. I wasn’t even trying to be wise, just right. I’m glad I have changed. I’m glad that isn’t my story anymore. But how much effort have I wasted for selfish and foolish purposes. I don’t think I want to know the answer to that.